What do you do when your sweet child is screaming "I won't! I won't!"? Or perhaps they are in the "I hate you!" phase. Emotional responses are out of the question. That's a toddler misbehavior "gotcha". If your child sees you throw a tantrum and you just lose it, she is going to think that is acceptable behavior and continue. Toddler behavior and discipline is modeled exactly on your emotional makeup.
So, the next time your toddler is playing and all of a sudden hurls the picture frames and baby photo albums against the wall, what are you going to do? The items are now broken so there is not much point in being upset about them; they can always be replaced. Immediate action is required and you need to control toddler behavior and discipline before she or he is distracted by the goldfish or kitty or.... It is imperative to allow your toddler to connect her misbehavior with consequences.
Here are ten simple steps to handle toddler misbehavior that have worked the overwhelming majority of time:
1. Go straight to your toddler without running unless there is an immediate physical danger. Intimidation works only for bullies, not for toddler behavior and discipline.
2. Avoid raising your voice or outright shouting across the room because that just engages you in his emotional sphere. It is important to remain as the authoritative observer when handling toddler misbehavior - pretend you are emotionally detached if you have to.
3. Crouch down to eye level to avoid intimidating with your height and size. Direct eye contact and close proximity cannot be ignored. Toddler behavior and discipline requires handling in the moment. Your command from above or across the room can be filed away into a pretend world.
4. Hold your toddler by the shoulders firmly enough so that he cannot not run away but not so hard as to hurt.
5. Adopt a gentle yet firm voice in an authoritative tone. Remember to not use an angry, belittling, or pushover/bargaining tone. Authority will communicate to your toddler that you are serious and leaves no doubt that you are upset.
6. Say and repeat if necessary "please look at my eyes" if he tries to squirm away.
7. Ask your child to tell you what he was doing and why. This is important in handling toddler misbehavior. "I don't know" is not an acceptable response - they do know and are often too scared to say or want to stay pretending.
8. At this point, outline for your child in a clear and calm voice exactly what the toddler misbehavior was and that breaking things are not allowed. Wait for a response. Repeat a couple of times while holding him until he says he understands or "Okay." Then give a warm hug.
9. VERY IMPORTANT! Now, she must get the broom to sweep up the mess while you supervise. Consequences are the best means of handling toddler behavior and discipline.
10. If your child does not respond and continues to demonstrate toddler misbehavior, you need to give him a time-out period - no toys, no TV, no entertainment of any kind. Have him empty out his play tent and point to the spot where he has to stay until he can tell you what he did, why, why it is not acceptable, and how he will behave in the future. Children are far more intelligent and developed than we give them credit. They deserve our respect.
Toddlers are experts. Any sense of weakness from you will cause your child to protest or ignore you. Many parents find this assertive, authoritative voice hard to come by but it must be learned so that you can teach your toddler behavior and discipline to handle life successfully.
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